


Neeeeeeeeerds

by TheArchimage



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anime Watch Party, Chara (Undertale) Has Their Own Body, Dyslexic Frisk, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Non-Binary Chara, Non-Binary Frisk, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 01:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18326390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArchimage/pseuds/TheArchimage
Summary: It’s a new season of anime! Alphys has invited her fellow weeb Chara over to watch the newest shows, and she reminisces about her friendship with the First Human.





	Neeeeeeeeerds

**Author's Note:**

> AN: This story takes place in my grand unified AU, so there are minor spoilers for The Munificent Seven. The anime presented here are not real, though they are based on real anime and manga. There are no prizes for recognizing the inspirations but it’s something that can reasonably be done for those interested enough to try. This story was written for [Alphys Appreciation Week](https://alphys-appreciation.tumblr.com/) Day 2: Other Friendships!

The basement of Alphys and Undyne’s house was not anywhere near as grand as the True Lab back in Hotland. This little corner of it was furnished, with wood panel siding along the walls and a dense lush carpet covering every inch of the floor. The couch was black faux leather, and had earned its fair share of wounds and creases over years of use before Alphys ever got hold of it. A flat-panel television hung on the wall facing the couch, wires snaking out in all directions from it. It should have looked messy, but Alphys had stapled the wires to the wall all in straight lines and right angles so it resembled a circuit board more than a hydra. The coffee table had been freshly wiped and there was no debris littering any part of the floor. Alphys sighed happily. She had slept in a little today, but that was alright. Undyne had stepped up and moved all the stuff she needed down here, even cleaned up a little. This was good; her guest would not say anything but they would have been uncomfortable in the normal amount of mess. The fridge was stocked with cola and fruit teas, and the coffee table was laden with various chips, dips, cookies, and other snacks perfect for an entire afternoon of vegging out. Alphys opened her laptop and set it on the end table next to the couch. She changed the profile settings to connect it to the television and the surround sound system automatically. It was a pain to set up the first time, but now it was as simple as changing a couple options. The only part that took a while was setting up the playlist, and she was old hat at that.

She was only dimly aware of the doorbell ringing a few minutes later. She was most definitely aware of Undyne’s heavy footfalls as she answered the bell, followed by her booming voice calling all the way from the front door, “Hey Alph, your human buddy’s here! The literal nerd, not the figurative one.”

She called, “Send them down!” and cleaned her glasses on her t-shirt. Show time.

Only moments later a very nearly post-pubescent human lightly tapped down the stairs. They had a pale face that made their rosy cheeks stand out all the more. Their red eyes took in the basement rec room appreciatively. They caught sight of Alphys’ bare feet and took off their shoes before reaching the bottom step before making their way over to her. Chara Dreemurr gave Alphys a warm smile. “Greetings.” They held up a plate of what looked like celery sticks and baby carrots. “Dad insisted I bring healthy snacks. I think Asriel ratted us out.”

She sighed. “W-Well, it probably would be a good idea to eat those instead of salty and sugary snacks all day.”

“Perhaps,” Chara admitted. Then with a grin they added, “But we are not going to.”

“No we aren’t.” Alphys took the plate and shoved it onto a far corner of the table, where it would remain for the whole day. “So! Ready for the big day?”

“Indeed. A whole new season of anime to skewer. You have the microphones set up?”

“I do! But, um, I have a copyright strike on my channel, so I can’t do a livestream. I’ll just have to post the edited version later.” Chara took their seat and nodded, trying to hide their glee. They actually preferred it when they did not have a live audience for their reactions; they found it too difficult to keep track of the streaming channel, the show, and their own opinions at the same time. Facecams, of course, were right out; Chara would not agree to do these watch parties at all if their face would be on the internet, and if she were being honest Alphys would not fare much better. This meant their reviews got only a fraction of the traffic others got, but that was fine. Neither of them were all that interested in making a business out of watching anime anyway. It was just a fun way to unwind and spend time with a fellow anime nerd while previewing things she would like to watch in full with Undyne (her wife had a lower tolerance and a narrower band of interest in anime than Alphys did, but then again practically everyone did). If other people wanted to listen to their riffs and in-jokes and long-winded asides then they were more than welcome to. Alphys sat on the other end of the couch and said, “Lots of new shows! You want to do an intro or should we get right into it?”

Chara shrugged and rested their feet on top of the coffee table between the potato chips and the dish of M&Ms. “We can record an intro afterwards, once we know what kind of show this is going to be.” That decided, Alphys pushed the play button and settled in for what promised to be several hours of bingeing.

* * *

Alphys had always been fascinated by the story of the First Human. The tragedy of Asriel and Chara was one of the kingdom’s most popular stories, a sad capstone to the history of conflict between humans and monsters. But even before she recognized her gender Alphys did not see the story the same way everyone else did. She gathered that she was supposed to feel anger at the humans of the village, but she focused instead on Chara themselves. After all, if one human had been kind to monsters, perhaps there was a way to avoid a war after all? They had died before Alphys was even born, but she constantly found herself wondering what kind of a person they were. She had asked Gaster about them once, after hearing that he had been fortunate enough to meet them while they were alive. _Chara was the exception which proves the rule,_ he had signed cryptically. He did not volunteer more information and Alphys was too terrified to press further. One did not lightly risk Gaster’s displeasure, especially when you were a brilliant but still lowly intern and he could end your career with a word, so to speak. Sans was old enough to have maybe seen them in person, but she could never muster up the courage to ask. It wasn’t just that Sans was her _sempai_ (even if she would never have dared call him that to his face), as Gaster’s favorite pupil Sans was almost always busy with the aged skeleton’s research or his own projects and never had time to answer questions about a human he may or may not have known much about. Then the accident happened and… Sans made himself scarce. The opportunity slipped away.

It was an amazing stroke of luck that when she became Royal Scientist she got access to the Dreemurr personal collection. This was a mother lode of anime, each one hand-curated by Chara themself. She made it her goal to deduce Chara’s subconscious filing system; which shows were their favorite, what did they look for, what spoke to them, and in turn what this would have said about them. This necessitated cataloguing where on the shelf each tape came from, the level of wear on the magnetic strip adjusted for the age of the video, viewing each one, and cross-referencing it all to find common data points. Which was how they discovered the home video. The one Asgore probably had not seen, and probably should not have.

“… _We just need to get six, right? Then we’ll free everyone.”_

Everyone had said they were a reclusive but kind child with a quick wit and an expanded vocabulary. But no ordinary child would come up with an idea revolving around their own suicide as the lynchpin. It was at that moment that Alphys realized she knew basically nothing about what Chara was “really” like. The child most people knew was a facade, such a horribly familiar one that she was a little angry at herself for not piercing the veil sooner. Along with a profound emptiness, however, was also a little bit of superiority; no one else knew their ideas about the fallen child were wrong. And, she realized, not many other monsters that could relate to their struggles so intimately.

How many times had Alphys thought it would be better for everyone if she wasn’t there? After everything went wrong, Alphys stared deep into the abyss at the dump and understood Chara only too well. But even here they found something to admire: Chara had kept their self-loathing in check long enough to try to do some good with their death. On at least one occasion that thought, “Vanishing won’t help anyone, and I want my death to mean something, like Chara’s”, was what pulled her back from the edge.

Years later she would finally meet with Chara and check her work on decoding their taste in anime. Chara’s opinion re: Mew Mew Kissy Cutie and it’s horrible, non-canonical sequel was one of the most profound disappointments of her life. You know what they say, “never meet your heroes”.

* * *

_Warring in the States_

Despite the show’s popularity Alphys had not heard much about this one. The community around it was notoriously tight-lipped, claiming that “you really have to see it to understand what makes it so amazing”. Only two minutes into the episode Alphys began to see what they meant.

Alphys leaned over to ask, “Um, diiid humans, actually…?”

“No,” Chara sighed. “Humans never attached handlebars and exhaust pipes onto their horses. While we’re on the subject, George Washington could not wield four guns in two hands, nor could the real Ben Franklin shoot lightning bolts from his eyes.”

“I, uh, well, figured.” She watched for a few moments more. “It is very beautifully animated, though.”

“It is,” they agreed. “Very entertaining. I would go so far as to call it ‘wonderfully stupid’.” After a moment they added thoughtfully, “You know who would love this?”

Alphys smirked. “Undyne?”

A beat. “I was going to say Frisk, but you’re not wrong either.” Chara pulled their phone out of their pocket and starting tapping out a search query. “Hm, a one day delay on the simuldubs. That’s reasonable, right? Just tell Undyne to be cool about spoilers, or maybe even just not watch it on the day a new episode comes out, and she can have a watching buddy.” Oh right, Frisk was much better now than they were in elementary school but they still could not read subtitles fast enough to keep up.

Alphys barked a laugh. “You’re worrying about spoilers? Isn’t this based on a war, uh… three hundreds years over, almost?”

“This is anime, it wouldn’t be impossible for aliens to show up in the second to last episode for the Revolutionaries and Redcoats to join forces and fight against.” Alphys really wanted to disagree but they had a point.

* * *

She had not been informed of this until afterward, but Alphys was the only one of Frisk’s monster friends to deduce Chara’s identity without either being told or seeing their ghostly form directly. She was having trouble accepting that praise: “I mean, I got more evidence than anyone else. It’s not really fair to hold me to the same standard.”

“Even so, nobody else did,” Asriel insisted. “Heck, I was living with Toriel- I mean, Mom, as Flowey for almost a year and I didn’t figure it out!”

Frisk gripped the side of Chara’s bed and bounced on the balls of their feet. “So, how soon can they leave?”

Alphys drummed her fingertips along the keyboard. “Well, that’s up to Chara.” She turned toward her patient. “If the only concern were your health I would give you the okay to go home today, but, well, when you start appearing in public it’s going to be hard to keep a lid on the whole, you know, ‘we brought a dead kid back to life’ thing. Asgore’s already told me he’d be willing to have you whenever you feel up to it. And it’s going to be a huge hassle with the media no matter what! But if you want the smallest blip on the news radar, it would be best to wait until Friday evening.”

“Not to mention,” Asriel added, “Sunday is when I switch off and stay at Dad’s place for the week. So if you don’t want to spend an extra two days all by your lonesome in a new house, just wait until Friday.”

Alphys concluded, “But! Totally up to you!”

Chara growled and arched their back. “I’m sick of being here. I’m sick of this bed, I’m sick of this lab, I’m sick of needing a cane to even go to the bathroom.”

Alphys raised an eyebrow. “Have you even needed to go to the bathroom? You’re on a strict monster-food-only diet until-”

“It’s a figure of speech,” Chara sighed, thumping the back of their head against the pillow. “But… I know if those news people show up at the front door while I’m feeling like this it’ll be even worse. So yeah, fine. Friday.” Frisk whined and clasped their hand in front of Chara’s face. Chara read the gesture and gripped Frisk’s hand weakly, which seemed to calm both of them somewhat.

It had been a few weeks since Chara had successfully been revived. They had been in the lab ever since, slowly rehabilitating their long disused body and getting used to being able to touch things again. Steady, almost unceasing, infusions of magic had improved their recovery time. Not that there were any other carefully documented cases of a human returning from the dead to compare that recovery to. Despite this miraculous turn of events they were mostly restricted to this room for rest, food, sleep, physical therapy, and everything else. A month of the same four walls would start to grate on anyone’s nerves; for someone with Patience as low as Chara’s it must have been torturous.

Toriel and Asgore were not getting back together, but they were dedicated to raising Asriel jointly as much as circumstances allowed. Frisk had been formally adopted by Toriel, and it was understood that Asgore would do the same with Chara. So Asriel would be related to both Chara and Frisk, but they would not be related to each other. It was a complicated situation, but Alphys decided it was not her business to pry.

Alphys noticed the time. “Oh! No wonder you’re getting cranky, we’re late giving you your painkillers!” With a practiced motion Alphys pulled out a fresh bag of fluids (monster-treated saline, naturally) and set it up. A new vial of painkillers was added to the intake valve, and with that a steady drip of revitalizing fluids mixed with medicine flowed into Chara’s bloodstream. They took effect quickly, the crease on Chara’s forehead easing almost as soon as the feed started.

Asriel scrunched up his face. “An IV? Still? They’re… not still _that_ sick, are they?”

She explained, “The non-monster meds don’t work on an empty stomach, and we still haven’t found a way for monster medicine to time-release properly.” She smirked as she lamented over-dramatically, “Until research on new magical medicines is complete, I’m afraid any complaints are all in _vein_.”

Asriel rolled his eyes and Frisk frowned, but Chara let out a single amused breath. “I didn’t figure you would be the type to do puns.”

Alphys snorted. “You didn’t, huh? Soooo, I... take it you never figured out why I called the power to cheat death ‘determination’?”

Chara stared at her for a moment. Then they covered their mouth as their grin widened to their ears. “Oh my god-!”

Alphys snickered. “Yeah, heh heh, I thought you’d appreciate that one. Uh, Sans thought it was a riot, too.”

“What?” Frisk asked, suddenly alarmed. Their smile faltered and they looked from Chara to Alphys and back again. “What are you talking about?”

Chara and Alphys shared a look. Chara’s eyes had a mischievous gleam. “I wanna tell them.”

“Y-y-you have to know they’re, uh, they’re gonna get mad.”

“I know, that’s why I wanna tell them!”

“What?!” Frisk repeated, concern turning to panic.

“Well…” Chara said innocently. “Think about it. What happens when you use it? You get killed and you undo your own death. You un-die. You… ‘de-terminate’.”

Frisk looked at them stone faced. They breathed in. They breathed out. “It was a freakin’ pun. The whole time.” Frisk’s hands balled into fists and shook uncontrollably. They clutched at their hair and screwed up their face, walking away from the two jokesters. “The whole time!” they shouted as they stomped off down the hallway.

Asriel gave Chara a reproachful eye. “The more things change, huh? I’ll go make sure they don’t get into trouble. It was good seeing you, Chara.” After a moment he repeated more somberly, “Good seeing you. I mean it.” Then he left his half-sibling to chase after his other half-sibling.

Alphys watched him go with a puzzled expression. “Is… something going on? With Asriel?”

Chara waved off, “Nothing you should concern yourself with.” They reached up for something near their throat, paused as their hands clasped on empty air, then turned it into an awkward scratch.

Alphys licked her lips as she prepared to ask the question which had been on her mind for weeks. “Do you… do you think he hates me? For… turning him into Flowey? For taking away his emotions?”

Chara shrugged. “Hard to say. But I don’t think so. He’s pretty short with everyone these days. Don’t take it personally, he’s got a lot to deal with.”

“What about you?” She swallowed. “Do… you hate me?”

Chara looked up at her without smiling. “Hate you?” Their eyes were shimmering and they spoke around something in their throat. “Even if it wasn’t your intent, even if it was only the first step in a long process, it was the hardest part and what made everything else possible. I am… eternally grateful. For what you did for Asriel. For giving him back his life. For saving him from my mistakes. Thank you, Alphys. Really… thank you.”

“Oh.” Alphys’ face felt hot. Even pressing her palms to her cheeks did not seem to help in cooling down. “O-o-oh my. That’s. Well. Y-you’re welcome, of course! I’m just glad everything worked out! All’s well that ends well, you know!”

They took a deep breath. “Your role in returning _me_ to life, however, is a completely different matter.” Their smile was pasted on with all the effort and sincerity of a first grade arts-and-crafts project. “You will see my revenge when you least expect it.”

(Their “revenge” came to fruition seven months later. Chara snuck into her home to turn the hot water off while she was in the shower, nearly sending her into torpor right then and there. Awfully tame, considering all the build-up for it. Alphys decided that by the time Chara got around to enacting their vengeance they were not really that mad anymore.)

* * *

_First Love Kiss_

Alphys had been looking forward to this one but had not been looking forward to watching it with Chara. An anonymous internet forum had been gathering stories of contributors’ first kisses for over a decade, and the best of these stories were getting animated for a single cour anthology. This was obviously not up Chara’s alley, which is why it was so surprising when Chara suggested they watch it. She had expected Chara had chosen it as a hate-watch, to call out ‘shit that didn’t happen dot text’ and roll their eyes and mock the teenagers not much older but (in their view) infinitely less wise than them. So it was rather surprising to see Chara watching in silence, so enraptured their smile faded. Alphys could have sworn their eyes shimmered as the voice-over narration wistfully accounted a tale of a requited first crush.

Finally her curiosity overwhelmed her good sense and she said, “You’re, uh… being pretty quiet.”

Chara shook as if coming out of a daze. “Huh? Wha?”

“I-I don’t mean this in a bad way!, but you seem… interested. Engrossed, almost.”

The human averted their eyes. “I suppose I have some things on my mind.”

“Oh!” Alphys shifted closer to them on the couch. “What kind of things? Things that w-would make shows like this… ‘relevant to your interests’?” Chara crossed their arms over their chest and huffed. Alphys gasped in shock and leaned over to tease, “I-Is our widdle Chawa in _wuuuuuuuuub_?”

“Ugh!” Chara sneered. “Quit it, I get enough of that crap from Asriel.” They stroked their reverse-heart locket with their thumb, turning their face away from the screen while still keeping their eyes on it.

“It’s just… I never thought I’d get the chance to tease you about, uh, this kind of thing. I mean, for a really long time I thought you were ace and aro.”

Neither of them said anything else for a long moment. The anime continued to play and they watched it without absorbing what was happening. The story itself was bland, the animation was cheap, and the character design was generic as all get-out, but they continued to watch. After several minutes Chara finally sighed, “So did I.”

Alphys rubbed her chin. “So you suggested this anime to… get an honest perspective?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” They pulled their knees up and pressed them against their cheeks with a sigh.

Oh dear. This was not at all what she expected this morning. Should she say something? She was almost twice Chara’s age, she had been in Chara’s position many times before, she really ought to dispense some advice now. “Weeeeell. Uh, you know, I am a married woman now. But it, uh, hasn’t been that long since, um, I wasn’t! So, what I’m trying to say is, I know what you’re going through, a little bit. And, if you need any, advice? Or encouragement? I’d be happy to help. Just, say the word!”

Chara did not look at her. “I’ll keep it in mind,” they breathed.

Internally Alphys pumped her fist. Nailed it. She tapped her index claws together. “So, uh, hypothetically-”

“The moratorium on real person fiction involving Frisk, Asriel, or I is still in effect and shall remain so.” So cruel! And after that offer of assistance, too!

“Even Asriel?” Alphys pouted. “But Reader shipfics with him are super-popular lately-”

They whirled toward her with a heart-stopping gaze, and she suddenly realized how the color of their eyes resembled dried blood on a rusty dagger. “ _That’s exactly why!_ ”

* * *

About a year after their revival Chara had taken to coming over Alphys’ house on a semi-frequent basis. Sometimes it was to practice self-defense with Undyne, but oftentimes they would come over with homework when they knew Undyne would be on patrol. It was not hard to imagine why; although she was kind of a slob Alphys restricted herself to her own workspace, and even when she was alone she hated blaring music too loudly or making too much noise. It was an ideal study environment. It was most certainly not because Chara needed assistance completing their work; they were a very intelligent person, and on any subjects outside of her specialty Alphys could be kindly described as “myopic”. Alphys did not mind; normally Alphys stayed at her workdesk, Chara did their work at the kitchen table, and they were happy to share the same space without actually interacting with each other.

That was the way it was. Underneath their gruff and sarcastic exterior Chara was at least as socially anxious as Alphys; they understood each other well enough to know when each other’s mere presence was enough. Neither felt the need to fill the silence with inane chatter. They simply worked or played in their own little worlds, one occasionally calling the other over to share a video or a meme they would both find amusing or bounce ideas off of. Alphys found it useful to talk at Chara about a problem they were having about this calculation or that data compile, not because Chara could offer advice but simply because speaking about the problem out loud gave her a new perspective on it and helped her figure it out for herself. For their part Chara did not mind being her “rubber duck”, often not offering a single word until they congratulated her on working through it.

On this particular day, however, Chara looked up from their work when Alphys went to grab another soda from the fridge. “You’re doing a lot of typing and not a lot of referencing,” they mused. “Getting ready to publish new research?”

“Ha! I wish!” Alphys laughed as she twisted the cap off her bottle of soda and took a swig. “I’m actually writing a, uh, submission for a grant. See, the labs get their income from philanthropists, government programs, charity grants; the sort of, uh, no-strings-attached stuff we would need to keep control of our own findings. W-we’d be a lot richer if we took private investments, but then the investors would be the ones owning the conclusions who knows what would happen to any of it? So, in order to keep the lights on I have to send out these… ugh, really ingratiating letters letting people know what we’re working on, what we hope to accomplish, how much money we’d need to do it… it’s terrible. But, it needs to get done, and as the one in charge I’m the one who has to do it.”

Chara propped their chin up on their fist. “So, the lab’s position is that precarious? I was hoping to eventually join the lab after college, but if you don’t expect it to be around… I don’t know what I’d do.”

Alphys waved them off, “Oh, it’s nothing like that. It’s important work, but considering magical research is _the_ hot field and, let’s face it, none of the other labs are equipped quite like ours, I expect things will be rosy for years to come.” She kicked the refrigerator door closed and realized what Chara had actually said. “You want to work for the lab? W-well! Just so you know, we’d be happy to have you at the labs once you’ve got your degree. But you, uh, don’t have to commit to it. I’m not going to force you and you shouldn’t feel like it’s your only option. That’s not to say! Uh, not to say you shouldn’t, because I’m not trying to discourage you! Only, if you feel like you want to do something else, you, uh, don’t have to worry about disappointing me. Well, that’s not… oh, geez…”

Finally Chara took pity on her. “Relax, Alphys. I get what you’re saying. It’s a long way off, something else might come up, etcetera etcetera.” They flipped their notebook to the next page. “But honestly, I think it would be ideal. It’s intellectual. It’s exciting. And there aren’t many more humans as well-equipped as I am to handle magical research.” They let the brag linger for a moment before concluding, “Not to mention, anything that keeps me away from people most of the time is okay in my book.”

Alphys had to laugh at the naivete. “If you’re, uh, trying to get away from people? Prepare for disappointment. Some days I never get to step into the lab at all; I’m busy with teaching, or mentoring, or schmoozing donors. It’s not all experiments, and labwork, and, and theorizing! I know you’ve heard the human saying, ‘the only difference between science and screwing around is writing it down’, but, you know, speaking as the once-Royal Scientist and a current Nobel Prize holder, it’s not as simple as that!”

Chara looked up at her with a wide grin and shadows over their eyes. “Can’t it be, though?” Their eyes sparkled with mischief. “ _Can’t_ it be?”

Twenty minutes later, after a brief discussion about how Undyne would kill both of them if they messed up the front lawn without her, they were in Asgore’s driveway performing experiments involving Mentos and two-liter bottles of Diet Coke. Asriel and Frisk ended up joining them before long, and every time one of them slammed a bottle to send it flying twelve feet or more in the air they called out, “For science!” And that was why Alphys had to stay up until 3 AM to finish her grant proposal on time and Chara did not have their homework finished the next day. It was worth it.

* * *

_Monster Paradise_

“ _Two_ monster-based harem anime in the same season? Fuuuuck, kill me now.” Chara flopped dramatically, draping their shoulder over the armrest like a corpse.

Alphys twisted the pretzel stick in her mouth with a disdainful snap. “That’s pretty much the only monster shows that ever get made, though. I have to admit, at first it was p-pretty amazing to see monster representation in anime. Especially because, you know, they tend to be, uh, kinda bad about that sort of thing. But it feels more like a fad than any real interest in monster culture. If anything the first monster anime, _Green Hands_ , was the high-water mark and we’ve been steadily losing ground since.”

Chara tilted their head to look at them without leaving their ragdoll pose. “You don’t count _I Went On a Blind Date With a Monster and Now I’m Her Husband_?”

Alphys narrowed her eyes. She could tell she was getting worked up, her hands started flailing wildly as they always did when she got on a tear. Her brain was at warp speed and her mouth babbled as fast as it could to try and keep up. “Of course not, MonGokon wasn’t really about monsters, it was using monsters as a stand-in for foreigners. I’m not actually mad about it, even if wasn’t really about monsters it still had a message it was trying to convey. It knew its criticisms of Japanese society weren’t popular in its home country and would paint an unflattering picture of Japanese people to outsiders, and it hoped that by saying ‘monster’ instead of ‘foreigner’ it would get mistaken as a call for tolerance in general and not against certain aspects of Japanese life in particular. Now, Green Hands was emotionally honest, like it knew it was biting off more than it could chew but it was trying to do the best it could. The characters felt real and complex even if it only featured monsters close to humans in shape. But this crap? They’re just taking a stock anime archetype, giving them a snout and animal ears and calling it a day! They don’t have even the first idea of how monsters think, or how they fall in love, or-”

Somewhere in the back of her mind Alphys noticed Chara was nodding and ‘uh huh’ing at all the proper points, so she knew they were listening intently. Even Undyne sometimes had trouble following her when she got like this, but Chara’s ability to weather her long-winded rants delivered at several hundred words a minute was one of the things that made their friendship so strong.

That was when it happened. The anime had used a fanservice trope that had been played out in Chara’s time and had not aged well in the meantime; a strong wind suddenly blew underneath a trio of girls, showing off their panties to the feckless milquetoast protagonist and his horndog friends. One of said friends, the horse-like monster Atsui, caught sight of a human girl’s panties. A geyser of blood shot out his nose and he fainted from over-stimulation. Alphys and Chara both gripped their armrest and leaned forward, faces red as they shouted in unison, “ _Monsters don’t bleed!_ ”

Chara covered their face with their hands. “Oh God, turn it off! I can’t stand this anymore!”

Alphys leaned over the laptop and hit the “next” button. She blinked. Then she looked at the digital clock in the corner of the screen. “Oh. We’re done.”

The human straightened. “What, already?”

“Uh, ‘already’? There were fourteen shows in the queue,” Alphys explained. “We’ve been at this for hours.”

Chara shuffled. “No wonder it feels like my butt’s about to fall asleep. I… guess there’s no more putting it off, huh? We have to record that intro?”

“Yeah,” Alphys huffed. “Just give me a minute to save the audio stream. We’ll record the intro on a new one to make it easier to splice it in later. Sorry about ending it on such a down note.”

“Not your fault,” Chara shrugged. “Besides, it’s been fun. Like usual.” They had the same smile they usually did, but after several years Alphys had gotten a lot better at telling when it was genuine. This was certainly one of those times. She continued her clicks while she mentally went over an internal script. Man, what could one even _say_ about a season like this…?

 


End file.
